We Have Nothing To Fear But Sarah Herself

My name is Sarah Palin. Don't be fooled by the stupid look on my face. When I was asked to be Senator John McCain's running mate in the 2008 presidential election, I may not have known who Margaret Thatcher was, but by God I was briefed. Now I have her name written on my left palm and I refer to her as my "political heroine".

I call myself the North Star, 'cause I'm from the north and I'm a star, a bona fide rock star goddess. Put that in your rifle and shoot it...right here out my kitchen window. If you're lucky, you can blow a Ruskie off the map.

I wear my Christianity like a badge of honor. Never mind that my children call me a phony when I pray in front of people. "Why are you pretending to be something you're not, Mom?" "Shut up and smile for the cameras, you ungrateful little bastards. Momma loves you."

People in my home state of Alaska are disappointed in me. Hell, I'm disappointed in myself. I thought I'd have a prime time network show by now, instead of that pesky little TLC gig. All in due time, my little pretties. All in due time.