Euphemisms Kill Me

You know, I've always heard people talk about finding a dream job and I've always thought there was no such thing. But as of this morning I realize I was wrong. I know exactly what job would be my fondest desire. I want to be the HEADLINE WRITER for the News Sentinel. I know I would do a better job than whoever does it now.

"Law director admits he improperly took money"???

How about: "Knox County law director's former employer forces him to admit he embezzled money"
Too long, you say?
Okay, what about: "It turns out Bill Lockett is a fucking thief"

And fellow citizens, the coffers over at Kennerly Montgomery & Finley were nothing compared to the ones he's got access to in Knox county.

Lots of people go through hardships. Some resort to breaking the law. You can visit them on Sundays at the prison. You can visit Bill Lockett on the sixth floor of the City County building in the office with "County Law Director" on the door. Now that's a crime.